When I was going through the pain of a relationship ending, my mind constantly replayed every moment and every person who contributed to the hurt. Like a broken record, it played on endlessly. I couldn’t work, couldn’t sleep, and completely isolated myself from everyone. My pain consumed me, and I blamed everyone else. Healing and moving forward felt impossible.
Despite praying and reading my Bible daily, I still felt lost and hopeless. I was so low that I considered asking a doctor for depression medication just to cope. I was drowning in pain, anger, and confusion. I constantly asked, “What did I do wrong, or why wasn’t I good enough?”
“The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy.” – Proverbs 14:10 (ESV)
In deep heartbreak, the last thing we want to ask ourselves is: What was my part in this? It feels easier to assign 100% of the blame to the one who hurt us. But healing requires honesty, not just about what they did, but about our actions or inactions.
Most relationships don’t just end overnight. They break down over time due to unresolved conflicts, ignored red flags, or allowing things that shouldn’t have been accepted. Over time, the relationship shifts, and one or both people change. Then one day, someone says, “Enough”, confronts the other person, and well, it’s not pretty after that.
Through my tears and pain, I found myself binge-watching Hallmark movies that always have their perfect happy endings. Of course, that only made things worse. There has always been that one movie I can watch over and over, and that movie is War Room, starring Priscilla Shirer. That day, I had a gut feeling to watch it again. No matter how many times I watch it, the Holy Spirit always reveals something new to me. That day did not disappoint.
In one scene, Ms. Clara tells the wife to list all the things her husband was doing wrong. When the list was completed, she had written three pages. Ms. Clara asked her, “Despite all that, does god still love your husband?” We can’t expect God to forgive us when we can’t forgive others. We all need grace.
That hit me hard.
I realized that to begin truly healing, I needed to reflect inward. What had I done? How had I responded? What part of me needed transformation? I needed to forgive!
“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” – Psalm 139:23-24 (ESV)
That moment was a turning point.
I made my list of faults. I prayed over it, repented for each thing, and then came the most difficult task: apologizing. God placed it on my heart to write a letter of apology for my part in the relationship. Not to gain closure or expect an apology in return, but as an act of obedience and healing.
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” – 1 John 1:9 (NIV)
Writing that letter lifted a burden I didn’t realize I was carrying. It wasn’t about the other person—it was about letting go, choosing healing, and stepping into restoration with Jesus.
Through this journey, I began seeing the areas where I had misplaced my hope and validation. I had tried to shape myself into someone I wasn’t, to hold onto something that wasn’t right for me. But God, in His mercy, showed me the truth through conviction and grace.
What God Showed Me During This Season:
- I should have prayed for the relationship, not just looked for faults.
- I should have gone to God first, not to others.
- I misplaced my hope and identity.
- I looked for validation from someone other than Jesus.
- I lost myself trying to fit into someone else’s expectations.
- I ignored red flags and gut warnings that were very clear.
- I was fighting the wrong enemy.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3 (NIV)
Healing didn’t come overnight. It came with prayer, self-examination, repentance, and obedience. But as I continued to surrender to Jesus, He began to restore me piece by piece, layer by layer. I am still healing, but the right way.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
Friend, if you are hurting today, please know this:
God sees your pain. He hears your cries. And He wants to heal you.
You are not alone.
Take that first step toward healing. Surrender it all at Jesus’ feet. Ask Him to show you the areas He wants to transform, and trust that He will walk with you through it all.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:5–6 (NIV)
Call to Action:
If this message touched your heart, I would love to hear your story. Comment below or reach out using the contact form. I want to pray with you and walk this healing journey alongside you. You are never alone.
I encourage you to watch the War Room; you won’t be disappointed.
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